WASIA MASHOOR:
In earlier part I tried to bring the sanctity of marriage as an institution into limelight where I focused on its two pillars i.e. husband and wife. But this relation is not only about a girl and a boy who lived happily ever after. It is the binding of two families and a hierarchy of three generations.
Whereas this relation is regarded as a blessing from Allah SWT where the two souls are bound with love and mercy but the same relation has its rights and duties towards other relations. If it would have been husband has right over wife and wife has right over husband then there would have been no accountability neither towards the preceding generation i.e. parents nor towards the proceeding generation i.e. children.
All praises to my Lord Whose plan of life is supreme. As per Shariah the maximum right on a girl is that of her husband but it does not means it’s a dominance and she has no right. In turn Allah has given her the maximum right on her son. To make it lucid let’s take an example, I’m a married woman and my mother-in-law possesses the maximum right over my husband and my husband possesses the maximum right over wife that’s me and I have the maximum right over my son. Thus we see all the three generations are linked together because more rights you possess, the more duties are ought to be fulfilled. It’s a chain to be continued.
Every plan of Allah has a purpose (Hikmah). And this chain too has a purpose of being dutiful to our parents and our kids dutiful to us. When I talk of rights surely it has a counterpart DUTIES. As I mentioned earlier more rights means more duties. Husband’s right over woman means fulfilling maximum duties towards her, meeting her all needs (I mean genuine needs not Gucci and Prada) and a mother who is a wife first has maximum duties of children their upbringing and nurturing them.
Though Allah SWT has made the marriage and its implications most lucid still we live in conflict zone. Where arises the conflict? I believe the conflict lies in the acceptance of facts. Firstly we do not accept the guidelines of Allah SWT then there would have been no conflict. Secondly we make our own guidelines which I refer as RULES PAR CONVINIENCE.
Starting again with husband and wife. As soon as the pair get married, the wife believes husband belongs to her only which is the first step of denying the fact that maximum right is that of mother on this man (note: that does not mean wife has no right). Than is the mother who is termed to be now a mother-in-law feels the same which may or may not be true subjected to the level of understanding.
The second storm is created by the non-acceptance of new families. A family of 4-6 members have been living in their own way since years and a new member is introduced among them. The group cannot change for the one person but one person has to streamline with them. It does not mean that women will be trampled. If a daughter-in-law is changing for them than what’s the role of in-laws. Here we need to understand that a woman is ready to adjust and change but she too has been living in her own ways all these years. What now? Family can’t change but individual can. But for that change she should be given that TIME and SPACE because she too has to mold the habits of these years. If in-laws can’t change and she is ought to change than she definitely needs that platform for a change. Alas! Seldom have they got that time and space and thus they get into the Indo-Pak war zone where liberty and self-dignity are the respective weapons of war between daughter-in-law and in-laws. Change is law of nature and it is inevitable but none among the two sides appreciate the same.
What was bestowed to us in the simplest way is complicated in the most complex way. Marriage is protected by these norms of Allah but unfortunately these norms are made reasons of separation due to lack of understanding.
You may find me as the perfect homemaker who would have balanced the relations but I have sometimes failed so miserably. That’s why I say the marriage is the bond of love, respect and trust and MYTH because what I wrote is good as a novel method but practically you need to be prepared for the inevitable harsh realities of relations. But a pragmatic approach in accordance with Quran and Sunnah will surely make a difference!
Author is a homemaker and student of Islamic Studies